My Account
As a GP I am involved in caring for families in a holistic way and frequently have parents coming to discuss their family relationship issues.
It used to be mainly mothers who came or brought the kids but these days it will often be dad. There really does seem to be evidence that modern dads are becoming better at parenting. They are prepared to learn, read books and step out of their comfort zone. They cook, know about their kids’ allergies and are socially brave: prepared to sit on those little seats at kindy, do school trips and attend parent-teacher interviews, even do ballet on stage with a five-year-old daughter during her first concert rehearsal (I won’t mention the name of that particular father)!
Research shows that men spend three times as much time with their kids as they did in the 1970s. Fathers’ roles in parenting are important to their children’s behaviour, self-esteem, emotional stability and mental health.
A girl looks to her mum to find out how to be a woman. Her mother is her role model. But she looks to her father to see what sort of woman she is becoming. Daughters’ relationships with their fathers are very important. They need fathers who see them as intelligent, capable, and attractive and who listen to them. Affirmation from their fathers and talking with them brings assurance, feeling they are worthwhile and helps them to know they do not need the first boyfriend who comes their way!
For children aged up to six, gender is not an issue. Boys and girls need love from one or two key people who make them central. That helps them develop security, the skills of intimate communication and a love of learning and interaction.
The major opportunity fathers have for influencing their sons is between the ages of 6-13. Boys’ masculinity seems to switch on about the age of six, they want to make play with “swords and guns”, fight and wrestle and make lots of noise. They lock onto their dad, or another male role model, learn from him and copy him. This is definitely when Dad’s should make time for their boys.
From the age of 14 onwards, boys tend to become argumentative, restless and moody. They are gradually (and in fits and starts) becoming a “new self”. What they need is something to engage their spirits and pull them into passion and creative effort. In all societies, this is the time for intensive care and attention from the whole community. Parents need other trustworthy adults to help and be involved long term. Mentoring is important in this group and it helps to belong to a strong social group, sports or other interest group or an active church. It has been shown that just one good adult friend outside the family has a significant effect in preventing juvenile crime.
