My Account
Parental separation is very stressful for children who mostly appreciate stability and routine. Children will often struggle as they try to accommodate changes such as a parent leaving the family home, changes in parenting practises, economic hardship and its flow-on effects, moving house, losing friends and changing schools, and even loss of contact with wider family members. How well children adapt to these changes depends on many factors.
These variables include age, temperament, bonding between parents, coping strategies, degree of mental and physical health to mention a few.
Despite their own stresses, children are very aware of how their parents are coping, or more often, not coping. It is not uncommon for children to bravely put aside their own worries during this time in an attempt to protect their parents from any extra stress. Additionally, when parents are in conflict it is often not safe for children to talk about their own worries for fear of escalating the conflict between their parents. This can leave the children burdened with no-one safe to talk to and help them get through their own worries.
Fortunately for some children, although both parents may sit on strong emotions they manage to put their children first, protecting them from conflict. Putting differences aside with your ex-partner after a separation may be a huge challenge, however seeing it from the children’s point of view and putting their needs first should be the priority of both parents. Regardless of whose fault it is, you owe it to your children to ensure that they are protected and receive support during separation. Having a child-focussed approach to co-parenting through separation is essential. This may involve a discussion on how and what to tell the children about why you have separated, to a more detailed look at how you plan to co-parent both in the short-term and well into the future.
Ways that you can support your children:
– Try not to make demands on the other parent, seek to establish a positive parenting agreement that focuses on the children’s needs, short and long term.
– Attend relevant Parenting Through Separation and Parenting courses to get yourself aligned with each other and up to speed on how to manage yourself, and your children.
– Seek neutral support for yourself to ensure you maintain a positive perspective.
– Seek neutral support for your children so their emotional needs and concerns are attended to.Lastly, think of the big picture. Co-parenting goes on for a while. In fact, it leads to co-grand parenting. You may be co-attending 21sts, engagements, marriages, births and other family celebrations together in the future. Getting it sorted sooner will even prevent pressures on your adult children as they worry which tables to place you at when organising their seating arrangements. That’s, of course, if you get an initiation.
Contact Homebuilders on 425 7048 or visit our website www.homebuildersfs.org. If we can’t help, we will put you in contact with someone who can.
