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In November 2004 life changed dramatically for the founder of arguably NZ’s most famous pottery works, Morris and James, of Matakana. Anthony James, then 65, had just returned from a tour of galleries in the South Island interested in exhibiting his works in cast glass, when he suffered a major stroke. It left him paralysed down the left side of his body, wheelchair bound and barely able to communicate. In the intervening 15 months, he says he has been to the darkest depths of his soul and back. He spoke to Local Matters editor Jannette Thompson …
Were there signs before you’re stroke that something was wrong?
Yes, some funny things had happened. The South Island trip had been an anxious time because I was promoting something quite different from the traditional Morris and James product. On the return journey, I stayed a night with friends in Blenheim and on meeting their neighbour, I found I couldn’t think of what to say. By the time I got to Wellington, my inability to communicate had gotten even worse. I saw a heart specialist when I got back but the tests showed nothing out of the ordinary. The stroke happened a few weeks later.
How has your life changed?
Ha, before the stroke I was completely independent, living alone and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Immediately after the stroke, I had to rely totally on other people – I couldn’t even bathe myself without help. I can walk now with the aid of my stick and I’m trying to write with my right-hand (I was left-handed) which is a challenge. In the last year I’ve started to regain some of my independence. For instance, I can drive now and although I will probably never do the pottery again myself, I can do the original moulds for the cast glass work.
How do you start to recover from something like this?
It seems to me that recovery is a lot about regaining confidence. The simplest way to explain it is to imagine returning to babyhood. Toddlers who are learning to walk, instinctively know to put out their hands and touch things to steady themselves. This gives them the courage and confidence to take their first steps. In many respects that’s what it’s been like. I’ve concentrated on functional tasks and feel that in time, the creative side will start to develop of its own accord. I go to the gym three times a week and feel that I’m gaining strength all the time. I do practise specific exercises but just doing normal day-to-day stuff like getting out of bed, walking and gardening are part of the recovery process. I feel positive about the improvements that I’ll achieve this year.
How has it changed your perspective on life?
To quote a current phrase, ‘I live in the now’. There were times after the stroke when I would be utterly depressed, crying and grieving for what I’d lost. But, interestingly, right from the beginning, I also recognised that I’d been given a tremendous opportunity to change and live a different life. The experience forced me to go right back into myself and deal with some old ghosts.
Are there things you’d do differently if you had your chance again?
The business was all consuming, it was my passion and defined who I was. I gave it everything but it took an exacting toll. If I had my time again, I’d take time off every week to go fishing. The business would have been better for it. I think about these things in terms of my boys – I will be really encouraging them to have interests outside the business, and to take the time to relax and enjoy those interests. It’s too easy for people who are entrepreneurial and/or self-employed to think that taking a day off is being lazy. But if you don’t, you’ll burn out just like I did. There is no doubt that the next big stop for me is death. There’s a saying that dying should be like ‘taking off a too tight pair of shoes’ and that’s the way I want it to be for me, not something to be feared
Are you’re boys interested in the business?
My son Pug (Patrick) is studying at Central St Martins College of Art & Design, in London, one of the best schools of its type in the world. He’s specialising in ceramic designs and will return to the business in September/October. My eldest son Jake works in marketing and business administration for Sanitarium and he’ll eventually return to the business, too. My hope is that my daughter Roz will also have a role but she’s only 22, and at the moment is having a wonderful time in Barcelona. Time will tell.
What have you learnt from this experience?
Doctors can stabilise our bodies and give us the platform to heal ourselves, but the actual healing is up to the individual. It’s a mental and spiritual process. I used to be an avid reader of newspapers and publications like The Economist, but I don’t read any of them anymore. I prefer spiritual and philosophical books which have a more calming affect on me.
Do you still set goals?
There’s a lot of attention given to the affects of stress on our health, but I believe that excitement, and the adrenalin that it produces, can be just as dangerous. They both produce exhaustion. I’ve spent my life chasing excitement but now I consciously calm myself down. This year my goal is to gain more function in the smaller muscles of my body which still aren’t getting the messages from my brain. There’s also a special walk in Spain that I’d like to do. I’d say that’s about two or three years away.
