Homebuilders – Good intentions

The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.
Melody Beattie

Does anyone still make New Year’s resolutions? In my personal experience, they felt too rigid and final so they were seldom kept. These days, I prefer to set intentions. Intentions set the tone for how you want to be in all that you do. In this way, they are like values or ways of being. Setting intentions can be as simple as choosing a word that represents how you want to be in the New Year. It is helpful to think of a word, repeat it several times over several days, like trying it on, to see if it fits. If it does, great! If not, think of another word, and so on. Don’t worry about getting it right, just let it come to you, it is your word, for you and perhaps your family.

Children need to learn and understand what to do and how to do it to help them develop a strong sense of self and identity. Families or whānau can have rules, agreements or tikanga to keep children safe and healthy, and understand what is expected to help them thrive. Setting intentions can accompany agreements or tikanga, and together build strong values and practices that help create safe, respectful and nurturing environments for all.

The beginning of the year is a good time to develop or reiterate your own family agreements and intentions, or your whānau tikanga. It can be a great exercise to do with children, so that they can share their feelings and thoughts and contribute to generating healthy and interesting discussions to learn from. It is much more likely that children will uphold these agreements if they’ve participated; it also gives them a point of reference, which can be a very useful tool for managing any challenging times in the future.

It might be a good idea to begin with very tangible things like bedtimes, mealtimes, chore sharing and homework. This is the ‘What’ we will do. Then move gently into the ‘How’ we will do it. For example, with kindness, respect and mana-enhancing language and behaviour. You could make this into a game, a kind of charades, ask the children to demonstrate the ‘how’ through acting. It can be a fun and very funny experience, which also helps children remember the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ of your family agreements and may even become your own family memes. Similarly, it can help children learn to deal with big emotions by naming them, acting them, and feeling them when they are not trapped in the middle of those emotions.

Homebuilders Family Support can help you with the challenges of parenting, being a parent and much more. We are here to help.