My Account
Berneece Tait of Tindalls Bay has been caring for children since the age of 24 when she took on a foster child on her own. As well as social work and teaching, Berneece has trained in rehabilitation, victim support and parent coaching. She is raising her teenage grandson and is involved in many community groups. Two years ago, she started Fairy Godmothers Inc, a home-based organisation providing childcare, family support services and parenting coaching.
My parents fostered children, so I have been aware of the value of caring for children and the importance of using the opportunities you have to help others. I began my working life in early childhood education, then spent 10 years doing social work in central and south Auckland. During this time, I took on my own foster daughter who was aged nine. Being a single foster parent was a huge learning curve, but I feel blessed to have had that opportunity. It helped equip me for the work I am doing today, whether it is with stressed parents, difficult children or troubled youth.
I married a psychologist who was also a colleague when I was 30. He died at a young age and after a subsequent marriage I managed to accumulate 10 stepchildren and lots of ‘grandies’. I made a conscious decision not to have children of my own, as there are so many already born that require care and commitment. When I hit social worker burnout I returned to teaching and was at Whangaparaoa Kindergarten when it first started. I then bought a private kindergarten, Peninsula Preschool, in 1995. The view from the preschool’s property in Tindalls Bay sealed the deal, and I’m still living here and looking at that view every day.
Two years ago, there were some big changes in my life. I began caring for my teenage grandson (the son of my foster child) and also started Fairy Godmothers Inc. Getting custody of my grandson required a huge battle with social agencies and the Family Court. Many grandparents fight these same battles in the interests of their grandchildren and take a financial and emotional battering in the process. I joined the community group Grandparents Parenting Grandchildren and found it very helpful. I am a lot younger than many of the other grans, many of whom are bringing up children on government super, with little respite care so I try to advocate for them whenever I can. Teenagers in retirement were not part of the deal they signed up to when becoming parents themselves.
Fairy Godmothers began while I was working for another home-based care provider. A few of us felt this large agency wasn’t listening to the people who were out in the field doing the hard yards so we decided to put our own company together. The name Fairy Godmothers came about because the care-educators who look after the children in their own homes can be seen in this light by parents who are busy working, stressed, in training or just desperate for a helping hand. We are also finding that we can replicate whanau for people like new immigrants to our community who don’t have their extended family here.
We are fortunate here in Whangaparaoa – most of our schools are Decile 10, which indicates that our income levels, employment and skills are quite high – but family stress, relationship issues and parenting gaps cross ethnic, socio-economic and educational boundaries, so we have our share of problems. If we do not address these issues in the early years it just gets worse. If your four-year-old is non- compliant and out of control, then you can safely assume your 14-year-old old will be too – only worse. We need to make it more acceptable to ask for assistance earlier, rather than later. Early intervention is the key to disenchanted youth.
I firmly believe society today undervalues women who decide to stay at home and be “just a mum”. My work at Fairy Godmothers involves empowering these pillars of our society by tapping into their passion and skills for parenting while providing them with the means to contribute to family finances. Children who come from stressed, hurting homes are more likely to get into trouble, drugs or crime. In many cases it is a familial cycle that needs breaking. When I started in social work I believed people were influenced 80 percent by their environment and 20 percent by their genes. As I have experienced more I see that 50-50 is a better estimate, but of course the environments many children have to endure makes their path more difficult from the outset. Their life-slate is muddied before experience even begins to write on it. How can you be expected to care about others if you haven’t experienced care yourself?
Parents need to provide guidance, stability, consistency, and boundaries as well as love. It’s so important to spend time with children. I also think that in an ideal world under-twos would not be in childcare centres. We are institutionalising babies. They need to be with one caring adult who can work around the child’s routine, not the other way around. I’ve been in some lovely childcare centres, but babies should not be cared for in groups. Teaching teenagers in secondary school about relationships, as well as about sex is also imperative. Once they have a child with someone, that person will be connected to them forever and I don’t think many of them realise that. If we can teach parenting, teenagers will be more fully aware of what they are taking on when they decide to have and keep a child. If they do not know who they are themselves then they are poorly equipped to be parents.
As a social worker, I believe in doing the groundwork, not sitting around in offices consulting and having meetings about it. Grass roots social work needs more funding, there’s a real problem in social agencies with too many resources going to the chiefs and not enough to the foot soldiers. It frustrates the hell out of me, and so many children fall through the cracks because of it. Our parenting coaching service is income tested so is pretty much financially supported by our childcare. Referrals come from Children Youth and Family Services family doctors and individuals themselves. Our goals are early intervention and effective change, not profits. There is a real need in the community for more family workers and parenting mentors that can help with budgeting, make sure kids are stimulated and well cared for and even teach mums and dads 101 ways to cook with mince. In my view, programmes that teach these basic skills should be compulsory for anyone receiving government assistance.
I spend a lot of time at the moment recruiting, training and supporting Fairy Godmothers’ care-educators as well as caring for my grandson. I’m also on the board of Whangaparaoa College and meet with organisations such as CYFs, Parent Aid and Rodney Mental Health. It’s never boring, but I do get ‘people-burnout’ at times and need to just sit, admire the view of the beach.
