Homebuilders – Getting the narrative right

“The truth about stories is that that is all we are.” Thomas King

Stories are a powerful way that we make sense of our world and everything in it. We have personal stories, family stories and many stories about friends and other people. We hear stories and we create stories about things that happen and how we feel about them, and these stories become entwined with our identity, our sense of ourselves. They can be incredibly empowering, give us confidence and a strong sense of belonging. But they can also limit us and cause us to feel isolated and believe negative things about ourselves.

We hear our stories through our self-talk, our inner voice, our thoughts; they are the voice that tells us good things and bad things about ourselves and our worlds. Sometimes we confuse stories with facts or truths about ourselves that are unhelpful and can hold us back from living our best lives. When we are growing up, our stories are growing too, and it is important that they don’t become limiting or negative. For example, a child playing and doing something a bit silly by mistake or exploration will learn from this experience and it could be either “I did a silly thing” or “I am a silly”. It can be an important difference to a growing identity. We are not our thoughts, feelings, or problems; they are part of us, often only temporarily, but they need not define us.

Therapists often use a narrative approach in therapy. It is a technique used in counselling, where the therapist encourages us to take a good look at our stories by externalising them from ourselves, looking at them compassionately for what they are, and breaking them down such as a child doing a silly thing rather than believing they are a silly person. The therapist will often encourage consideration of other, more successful, enjoyable times that can then be woven into identity. The negative stories can be re-authored, creating more positive, helpful stories that don’t hold us back. “I am curious, I like exploring a lot and sometimes the things I do turn out to be a bit silly”.

Children don’t always understand their feelings and thoughts and may need help to name or translate them. The more this is encouraged and practised, the more likely children will learn that they are not their thoughts and feelings, and will be able to balance feeling their emotions fully without identifying with them and taking them on board.

Homebuilders provide families with the support they need to thrive in many circumstances through one on one or groups. You are the expert in your life, you set the goals, we walk with you to achieve them.