Mahurangi Matters, 29 August 2022_Off the Record

Wannabe mayor on foot

One Mayoral candidate has found himself getting more exercise than he expected after NZ Post announced that, given Covid and other pressures, it would not be distributing flyers for the election. When Michael Kampkes (pictured) got the news, he already had 40,000 flyers printed and awaiting delivery. “It is ironic that if these were put in an envelope and posted, NZ Post would deliver them but as this cost is five times greater, that’s not a realistic option,” he said. “Not to be outdone, having delivered many thousands of flyers alerting people to the disastrous intensification law about to be inflicted on our city, it’s a case of taking time off work and redoubling that effort over the next few weeks.”
Kids crash court

The modern peril of accidentally switching your mike on during a virtual meeting struck at an online session of the Environment Court recently. Just as Waste Management’s barrister Bal Matheson was grilling Fight the Tip’s Sue Crockett on her experience of modern landfills, the usually quiet and serious atmosphere was crashed by the happy squeals of young, excited children. After an embarrassed pause – and a few quiet chuckles – while everyone wondered which virtual guest had caused the unexpected faux pas, Matheson confessed it was a new experience for him. “My questions don’t normally get that sort of reaction,” he admitted.

Half and half

Talking about his Maori and Scottish heritage while in Warkworth last weekend, Winston Peters said it gave him a natural suntan and a desire to save money. “Or, as Billy T James used to say, ‘One half of you wants to get drunk and the other half doesn’t want to pay for it’.”

What a crack up

Consumer NZ enjoyed playing with the puns when reporting on its recent toilet paper test, entitled ‘the bottom line’. It said the top-scoring toilet paper was EarthSmart 100% Recycled Toilet Paper, while “at the bottom of the pile” was Value Strong and Soft Toilet Tissue. In case you’re wondering, toilet paper testing is conducted by an independent laboratory where rolls are rated for softness, puncture resistance, ease of separation and disintegration time. The release concluded, “All the papers we tested stand up well to the job in hand. We are not worried about consumers getting a bum deal.”

Missed the bus

Members of the public were present when Auckland councillors adopted a “city-shaping” Transport Emissions Reduction Pathway earlier this month. But ironically, a Generation Zero representative failed to turn up because their bus was cancelled.