Homebuilders – Ponder if you wish

Usually at this time of the year, Homebuilders Family Services puts forward an article about how to navigate the festive season. This year our article is more about providing some ideas that might be food for thought for you, to do your own pondering over.

The only thing I am going to say specifically about Christmas is, ‘don’t take it personally if you struggle’. Our brain structure makes Christmas particularly difficult because the increased stress and demands on your body releases adrenaline and cortisol, which affects your hippocampus and makes it difficult to multi-task. This is why you may feel grumpy and sad.

There is a solution though – exercise! According to The Guardian, “Exercise stimulates the growth and repair of cells in the hippocampus, and induces a more positive mood, making you less susceptible to stress and reducing the amount of cortisol released. Plus, it provides the perfect excuse to run away from your relatives.”

Or, as Joseph Chilton Pearce puts it, “We tell children how to be and they keep mirroring back what we are. If we are to raise healthy human beings we must bring to wholeness the models they are following.” As a community, we can look after the children by looking after the parents and caregivers.

“Children don’t know how to ask for what they don’t know they need. Their asking comes in the form of behaviour.” (Bonnie Harris). The interesting part of this quote is “…they don’t know they need.” Kids just get a feeling in their body and then have  behaviours because they are trying to soothe the uncomfortable feeling in themselves. “Parenting was so much easier when I raised my non-existent children hypothetically.” (EverydayGirlDad). Parenting is a big task!

Try to be the person you needed when you were younger. This is partly how we heal. When you are struggling to know how to respond to your child (or your partner or friend), think about what you might have needed when you were a child. We usually need connection.

“You know how every once in a while you do something and a little voice inside says ‘There. That’s it. That’s why you’re here.’… and you get a warm glow in your heart because you  know it’s true? Do more of that.” (Jack Nordby). Do more of the things that make you feel good.

Everyone at Homebuilders Family Services wishes the people of North Rodney a safe and gentle festive season. Homebuilders is closed after Thursday December 22 and reopens on Tuesday January 17. Over this time we will be checking our phone for voice mail messages.

If you urgently need someone to talk to over the break, you can also phone Lifeline 0800 543 354, Suicide Crisis

Helpline 0508 828 865 or Healthline 0800 611 116. There are people who do care about you.