Retirement – Civility first

Are older people more polite than younger ones? Grumpier maybe, though we’d like to think more civil. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.

But the story may be out-of-date as retirees fuel the numbers at protests around the country. Do they bring a measure of civility along with their placards? I was relieved to see the attack on Winston Peters’ home wasn’t done by an ungrateful Gold Card holder.

The most shocking footage in the new movie about former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern was not the protestors outside her parents’ home that never featured in the media at the time, but the extensive coverage of the 2022 occupation of parliament grounds. The unchecked mayhem of that siege unnerved New Zealanders of every political persuasion. The movie reminds us how close we came then, and still are, to losing the decency and respect we assumed was a Kiwi birthright.

Not that protests, driven by anger that turns violent, are anything new in our history. Waterfront strikes, the Great Depression riots, the Springbok tour, just to name a few; though the biggest protest marches on parliament, massive hikoi, have invariably been peaceful actions.

To talk about civility in the current political climate might seem a little Pollyanna, when the legal limits of protest are being redrawn. But what’s civil and what’s legal are a long way apart. We can be kind to each other, however unfashionable it is to suggest that, or at least be polite. Civil is about basic decency, but staying within the law is something else. We can be downright rude and insulting to each other and still be perfectly legal.

Our politicians model that sort of legalised lack of civility in the House every week. Mocking, insulting each other while skating on the thin edge of the rules, so that it’s okay to say I’m bending the truth, but you can’t call me a liar.

Depressing as this behaviour is to watch, it’s always encouraging to hear that some MPs still manage to make friends across party lines and treat each other with respect and yes, civility.

Perhaps they’ve learnt that respectful conversation gets results and builds trust, which is the foundation on which everything rests.

As the rules-based global order disintegrates around us and dictators break international laws on a whim, the scary fact is that there is no way to re-establish the rules by force. The United Nations seems impotent to enforce decisions about human rights or humanitarian aid or vaccinations. That can only be done by rebuilding trust between the partners. And civility is the first step in doing that.

Gold Card holders don’t feature often in that process on the political and international stage, (our Foreign Affairs Minister not withstanding!) but we still have the power to model civility, and memories long enough, to know it can make a world of difference.