That’s Life – Wayne Brown needs a lifeline

Up until recently, I had thought Auckland Mayor Wayne Brown was sort of okay. Shame on me. I should have known as a local politician he would eventually suffer from foot-in-mouth disease.

Brown was recently caught out saying East Coast surf lifesaving clubs were ‘babysitting organisations’, questioning the justification for their funding compared to the West Coast surf lifesaving clubs. For a Pacific island country, with a disproportionate number of drownings each year, I reckon he should have been suggesting that council put more money into building swimming pools at primary schools and making swimming lessons mandatory.

It is a bit of a head-scratcher to hear Mayor Brown question the relevance of surf lifesaving clubs on the East Coast – maybe he had been in the sun too long without a hat and was suffering heatstroke. I suppose if your idea of water safety involves only filling the spa halfway, mixing water with your whisky or stepping around puddles in the Auckland CBD, then perhaps the work of lifesavers might seem, well, unnecessary.

However, for the rest of us surfers, boogie-boarders, sandcastle builders, paddlers, mums and dads, and “oops I’ve gone out too far” swimmers, those red and yellow-clad volunteers are the difference between a great day out and an unplanned helicopter ride. Lifeguards are the sunburnt, whistle-blowing backbone of our local coastlines.

Maybe Brown has been watching re-runs of Baywatch and has the impression that East Coast lifeguards only wear tight red togs and run in slow motion along the beach with perms flowing in the wind. Or maybe he should watch a few episodes of Bondi Rescue or Piha Rescue, and witness people being pulled out of the water like half-dead drowned rats.

I know people should be responsible for their own decision-making and if you can’t swim, don’t try it at the beach. But, personal accountability is so last century, and it’s everyone else’s problem to save your soggy butt.

Our surf lifesaving clubs are powered by volunteers, who give up their weekends not to sip oat milk lattes or argue over rates increases, but to literally watch over complete strangers. They rescue us when we’re caught in rips, break a limb or have a bad encounter with a stingray, and occasionally they guide wayward paddleboarders back from Australia.

Meanwhile, back at council chambers, it appears the mayor is more concerned about tide of public opinion than actual tides. Brown’s comments about the value of lifeguards landed about as well as being dumped in a shore break. One can’t help but wonder if he was last at a beach during the Paleozoic age, when togs were woollen and drowning was dealt with by Darwinism.

So if you’re planning a trip to the beach, take along a bit of gratitude for those keeping watch. And if you see Mayor Brown, maybe point him toward the flags just in case he gets caught in a rip … of reality.