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In Part One of our Social Media Ban for U16s series (MM, Jun 23), we shared the insights and experiences of Year 9 and 10 students who used social media.
Now it’s the parent’s turn. For Part Two, Mahurangi Matters talked with parents and guardians about the social media usage of their children, particularly under 16s, and asked them how they feel about the proposed social media ban for this age group.
Overall, they agreed that: it was their responsibility rather than the government’s to control their children’s social media usage; education and raising awareness about the downsides and dangers of social media were more practical than a ban; open communication with their kids was important; and that a social media ban for under 16s would be hard to enforce.
There was also a call for social media platforms to protect under-16 users by self-regulating.
Cheri, from Warkworth, has four children: an 18-year-old son at university, a 13-year-old son at Mahurangi College, an 11-year-old daughter at Kaipara Flats School, and a two-year-old.
She says her two boys use social media platforms such as Snapchat, Instagram and YouTube.
“When my 18-year-old was at Warkworth Primary about 10 years ago, the school was really great at educating the kids about social media – what to be aware of, and the potential dangers.”
She adds that schools such as Mahurangi College still educate students about social media, “which is wonderful”.
“It’s all basically brand-new and we don’t really have data or information on what the effects of these platforms could be in 10 years or so.”
Cheri says she asked her eldest to do a PowerPoint presentation about social media when he was 11 as he wanted to use Instagram.
“He explained the risks of social media and said it was a way for him to communicate with his peers and be part of things.
“Because his argument was pretty valid, there was a six-week trial and an agreement that his dad and I had all his passwords and that we could check in on his activity at any time.”
The same rules now apply to Cheri’s 13-year-old son, who is autistic and uses Snapchat. He has a Chromebook, smartphone, and an iPad, plus an Xbox, which can be used to go online.
“I’ve got access to all his devices and passwords. He’s not old enough to be able to afford devices himself so I get them for him but I’m responsible for what he has access to – that was just part of the deal,” she says.
“He’s on the spectrum and gets really into fishing, and if he wants to learn about something he goes deep into YouTube – that’s been a great educational tool for him”.
Cheri says he’s struggled socially, but it’s helpful that he can communicate with his peers and keep connected with them via Snapchat.
“They have class group chats on Snapchat, message and send each other schoolwork. But I do have to monitor his social media usage closely as social context doesn’t come naturally to him. He could quite easily misinterpret something.”
Moreover, Cheri says social media can be addictive for her 13-year-old.
“All the devices have to come to me by 6pm but if he’s snuck one back and using it, which happens quite regularly, it means he loses access to social media for a week.”
Cheri says there’s the potential for inappropriate content on Snapchat.
“It seems dodgy that people can send you things and then it disappears. (Snaps, a photo or short video that users send to friends, disappear after a set duration.)
“The big thing with me and my kids is open communication and trust so if they see something strange they know they can come and talk to us about it.”
She adds that a social media ban for under 16s isn’t practical and would be ineffective because the government can’t enforce it.
“You’ll still have kids finding ways to use social media. The onus should be put back on the platforms like Facebook and Snapchat to make it safer.
“When my 18-year-old was still at school, some of the boys were blackmailed by a 30-year-old man posing as a teenager who connected via online video games and asked for revealing photos,” she says.
“If you educate under 16s about how easy it is for that stuff to happen then hopefully it prevents it, but you can’t do that if you just ban them from social media. So education is more practical.”
John, from Matakana, has four children: two boys 11 and 12, at Matakana School and Kristin School respectively, as well as two adult children.
He says his 11-year-old doesn’t use social media as he’s neurodivergent.
However, his 12-year-old uses Snapchat to communicate with classmates and he watches TikTok videos, as well as YouTube.
“If he wants to message a school friend, he does it through Snapchat. One positive is that he can seek out clarification around homework, like when he’s been off school sick. He’s mostly using it for school group communications.
“He has a phone with credit to text and call friends, but some of his mates don’t have phones so that’s also when Snapchat is handy.”
There are some negatives though.
“He had a girlfriend for a while, and got harassed by her friends on Snapchat. Basically he got bullied by this group of girls who were trying to sabotage his relationship. It got pretty crazy with them setting him up to say something wrong.
“My son came to my wife and me and asked how to best manage it. My advice was just to ignore the messages and not reply. It wasn’t a nice situation, but it was good that the lines of communication with us were open.”
John says Snapchat is appealing to young people because messages only have a short lifespan.
“They go pretty quick so the kids like it – there’s no evidence. Whereas everything on Facebook pretty much stays there forever and you can go back and check.”
So how do you feel about the proposed social media ban for under 16s?
“I struggle to believe it’s the government’s role to tell young people which social media accounts they should have. It’s not their place to be dictating what apps under-16s can access,” John says.
“It’s up to the parents whether to allow their kids devices, apps and access to social media. Not many 13-year-olds are able to go out and buy themselves an iPhone without their parents.
“Social media platforms do have privacy policies, so it’s up to parents to understand what those policies are and to make informed decisions.”
He says a ban on social media for under 16s would be impossible to enforce.
“It’s not the job of the police to go around checking to see what apps are on a kid’s phone and if they’ve used them. It’s crazy. You can’t have laws that aren’t enforceable.”
Tris, from Warkworth, has two teenagers: a son at Mahurangi College who just turned 16, and a 14-year-old daughter at Horizon School.
“Both use social media extensively,” she says.
“They use it every day to keep in contact with friends and exchange messages. They do a little bit of posting, but it’s mostly looking at other people’s content. They’re mainly on Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok.
Tris adds that they also have a well-rounded life with music lessons, sport and going out with friends.
“It’s learning out how to balance it in your life, which goes for adults too.
“I give them a lot of leeway, probably a lot more than most parents. I see social media as a normal part of life these days, a part of life that you need to learn how to navigate. I find that if I just keep an eye on it, they actually self-police.”
She says social media is a way for her children to keep in contact with friends that don’t have a mobile phone and keeps them “in the loop”.
“The reality is these days that’s how social engagements and meet-ups are planned. Friends of theirs that don’t have a phone and aren’t allowed social media miss out on a lot.”
For Tris, then, social connection for under 16s is a real positive of social media, as is the educational aspect.
“My son’s really into cars so for him it’s also about following content creators who have the same interests.
“My daughter likes things that make her laugh, and she’s also very political – she loves videos that make fun of Trump. So she uses it for both humorous and educational purposes.”
However, Tris adds that they have been taught that not everything on social media is true or real and that you have to do your own research and “take what’s on there with a pinch of salt”.
“Both of my kids are intelligent enough to know that 99 per cent of the people posting have some sort of filter on or are manipulating their appearance – that’s not what they look like in real life.”
And she says her children have “definitely both come across inappropriate content before”.
“Material that has either been sent to them or they’ve discovered themselves. But we’re quite open with each other. If they’ve got any questions or something’s a bit weird, we’ll just talk through it.
“We’ve had lengthy discussions about what’s appropriate to share on social media in terms of safety and privacy.”
Tris says they understand that anything they post can be shared “and will be around the world within seconds”.
“I tell them once that content is up online, I can’t get it down. It’s there forever. As a parent it’s terrifying.
All you can do is educate your children and make them aware of it.
“I don’t think banning until 16 and then suddenly throwing them into the deep end is a good thing. They need to learn to navigate the internet and social media, which has been around since they were little.
“Also, I don’t think a ban is workable. They’re never gonna stop all under 16s finding a way to get on.
They’re intelligent and too tech savvy. If they want to get on, they’re going to get on. “
Tris adds that the government “should spend their time, energy and money on making the internet safer rather than just doing a blanket ban”.
“Continue to introduce laws and regulations for the content companies themselves to make the content safer, and have punishments for those who create content that is damaging.”
In Part Three of our series we speak with the experts and hear their thoughts on the proposed social media ban for under 16s.
Social media ban proposal
In early May, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced a proposal to ban social media for under 16-year-olds in an effort to help protect them against cyberbullying, inappropriate content and addiction.
Although in its infancy, the proposal appears to have support from both sides of the House, so Mahurangi Matters is exploring what children, parents, teachers and experts think of the initiative in our Social Media Ban for U16s series.
