A celebration of life

We spoke to Tracey Brown And Carl Dooley funeral directors at Hibiscus Funeral Services about how planning farewells to our loved ones is changing.

They say that in the years since COVID-19, families have begun choosing simpler, more personalised and flexible options for saying goodbye. No longer just about tradition, funerals are increasingly shaped by practicality, culture, affordability, and emotion.

One of the biggest shifts is the rising popularity of no-service cremations. These are arrangements where the body is uplifted and cremated without a formal ceremony, with the ashes returned to the family. A memorial can be held later, or not at all. Before COVID-19, this option was relatively uncommon, Carl says, with around 12 percent of people choosing it. Today, that number has jumped to around 37 percent.

Carl attributes this rise to the impact of the pandemic, when restrictions made traditional funerals difficult. He says that during lockdowns, families adjusted by livestreaming services and later holding their own memorials, and many discovered they preferred the flexibility.

“Since COVID-19 hit, there’s been a major shift in people choosing what they like to do in terms of services,” he says. “During COVID-19, there was limited viewing, so we did livestreaming and webcamming, then they had their own memorials, and people have remembered those times.”

This trend has not only stuck, but has grown. 

Carl and Tracey say people increasingly want time to process their grief and gather family and friends when they’re ready, rather than within a strict timeframe.

“But it can work two ways. If people are travelling, they have time to have a memorial at home, but it also [can be a negative] if people are not accepting or facing grief either,” Tracey says.

Today’s families want more say in the farewell process. Some are opting for informal family gatherings with favourite music, home videos, and personal stories, instead of formal venues or clergy-led services. While full DIY funerals are still rare, small personal touches, like helping to dress the deceased or preparing a slideshow, are increasingly common.

Tracey says it’s not about taking over, but about offering meaningful involvement where it’s welcomed. “We encourage as much hands-on involvement as possible.” 

Others, she says, may initially feel overwhelmed by the idea of planning or being involved. 

We get families who are frightened of the concept and don’t want anything to do with it, but need a touch point to say farewell,”

“There are so many steps and depths to the conversation, and to the process that it’s about what’s right for each family and how do we come to that with them.”

Tracey stresses that their role is to walk alongside families and help them navigate a farewell that feels right, whether that’s a quiet cremation, a park gathering, or a traditional church service.

Carl says funeral expectations are now shaped by both cultural background and generational differences. Older family members often expect formal traditions, while younger relatives may favour more relaxed and celebratory events.

“Grandma will expect one thing for her husband whereas the grandchildren will expect something different, which is changing the face of funerals,” he says. 

He adds that many families still want large celebrations,whether at a marae, church, club, or park. “However they may look,” he says, “it’s about offering the right choices.”

New Zealand’s cultural diversity also plays a significant role in shaping how funerals are conducted. Families bring expectations and rituals from around the world, and funeral homes have adapted to meet them, Carl says.

Both funeral directors say more people are now pre-planning their own farewells, a trend they hope more people will take up.

“They are going to funerals, they are seeing things and like them and want them for themselves; they are more open to it than they were 15 years ago.

It was still very traditional funerals, now it’s becoming a celebration of a life, it doesn’t have to seem like a funeral.

Planning ahead might involve documenting preferred music, selecting a casket, noting cremation versus burial preferences, or even choosing a location and buying a plot. Some clients want to spare their families stress, while others simply want control over how they’ll be remembered, Carl says.

 When people come in to pre-plan, it creates a smooth process when the time comes, Tracey says.

 “When do they pass, and the call comes to us, we already know this person, we already know their wishes are and so what we are doing now is extending our open arms to their loved ones to help them through that journey with the guidance of what their mum, dad or nana or some has already planned with us.”

She adds that families often have special requests of their own, so part of the funeral director’s job is balancing those personal elements with the deceased’s wishes.

However, there are also important legal aspects to consider when planning a funeral. Cremations must take place at a registered crematorium. Scattering ashes in public places is generally tolerated, but must be done with care and sensitivity. Burying ashes on private land, such as a backyard, is possible but may create issues when selling the property.

Pre-purchasing burial plots is one way families can secure a preferred location and avoid future cost increases. They recommend having these discussions early, rather than leaving them to chance.

With the average funeral in New Zealand costing between $10,000 and $13,000, managing costs is a top concern for many families. Funeral providers say meaningful farewells don’t need to be expensive, and many are working with families to provide options that are respectful and affordable.

Tracey says families should feel empowered to ask questions, compare services, and make informed decisions. “There’s no need for it to cost thousands and thousands,” she says.

Carl agrees, encouraging families to shop around, ask for quotes in writing, and include instructions in a folder for their children. “Sometimes when it happens, families will call the nearest one, not even thinking and the costs can differ by thousands.” 

For those unsure about where to begin, both funeral directors recommend starting with research. “Think about who you’d want to handle your arrangements, a family, a funeral home, or a mix, and meet with funeral directors in advance to see who you connect with.”

Some people make the first call when they’re completely healthy. Others do so after attending a funeral that gave them ideas. Either way, Tracey and Carl say it’s never too early to have the conversation.