My Account
Mental health advocate Mike King brought a simple and positive message to Whangaparaoa College recently, when he spoke to the Year 10 and 11 students and seniors on August 2.
“Despite what people think, we don’t go into schools and focus on suicide prevention or people in crisis,” he says. “Our message is aimed at people who are in a good space, because a judgmental attitude or unintended negative comments affect everyone. However, for people who are in crisis, those things can prevent them opening up and asking for help.”
Mike says that his organisation, the Key to Life charitable trust, aims to create a change in our attitudes to ourselves and others.
“Everyone has an ‘inner critic’ and it’s important to normalise that,” he says. “In confident people, that might be awareness of little mistakes they make, but with people with low self esteem or rejection issues, which is most of us, our inner critic is a bully. It tells us we have no value.”
According to Mike, focusing on this negative and sometimes overactive inner voice is the biggest problem in mental health.
“It is beaten by a friend or relative showing you that you have value,” he says. “It’s simply the importance of being kind and looking out for people.”
Is he angry or depressed?
He says men and women experience depression in a completely different way, which is one reason that partners can miss that their loved one has depression.
“Anger is the number one sign of depression in men, whereas women get sad and anxious,” he says. “Men get agitated and aggressive and create confrontation when we are feeling low. Too many men think it’s weak to talk about emotions.”
“It’s about making men aware of what the signs of depression really are. One of the biggest things I find in my talks is that when I talk about those differences, it’s a light bulb moment for so many people – there are comments like, ‘I thought he was an angry grumpy bastard, but he’s actually depressed!’”
Mike says when men repress feelings it is like putting a lid on a boiling pot, which is why it so often erupts as anger.
“For me, and all men, it’s about identifying what that lid is – for me it was drugs and alcohol but it can be a lot of other things, such as work, or going to the gym. Unless you work out what is really going on, and talk about it, you’re doomed to repeat those mistakes again and again.”
“Men have been taught from a young age that our job is to protect and provide for our families, and give our kids better opportunities than we had ourselves. And we’re not multitaskers, so we focus on that. And in none of those things does it say ‘look after yourself’.”
Mike has been focusing on mental health education for around 10 years – something that stemmed from his own battles with depression and addiction.
He says that men still find it difficult to ask for help and the most staunch of all are white, middle class males.
“People would be surprised to know that men in manual labouring jobs are more open but that is what I’ve found from talking to many different trades and business groups.
“I’ve noticed that among the tradies there is an appetite for change and people are less afraid to put their hands up and say they have a mental health issue. Whereas in middle management positions, those hands just don’t go up.”
Mike says his focus is on lifting everyone up equally.
“Mental health and suicide prevention is the common enemy,” he says. “We need to fight back by making everyone feel valued. It’s a simple message but could turn around our mental health statistics if everyone took notice.”
The Key to Life Charitable Trust is committed to the long-term goal of a zero suicide rate in New Zealand and a short-term goal of achieving a significant downward trend in the suicide statistics. It spreads its message through digital communities, meetings/clinics, advocacy and educational programmes with the aim of creating safe and supportive environments that foster positivity. Info: www.keytolife.org.nz
