Homebuilders – Parents, you’ve got this

Parenting is many things, often many wonderful things, and it is also a mammoth task. Children’s need for connection with you is constant, and when you have your own stuff going on this can be overwhelming. So how do you manage on days that you feel you have little or nothing left to give?

Firstly, acknowledge to yourself that it is one of those days and that you will feel reactive quickly. Be kind to yourself about this. Allow yourself to feel … the overwhelm, the resentment, the sadness, the loneliness, the worry, the anger … any of the underlying feelings.

As parents, we often don’t stop to feel, which can cause things to catch up with us. Then remember to breathe. Take little moments of time for yourself where you can. Pause at the washing line to look at the sky, inhale and sigh it out. Nurture yourself with little treats like putting on some nice hand cream, giving yourself a little massage. Have a cuppa sitting on the back step watching your child and consciously relax your shoulders. Visit a supportive friend who doesn’t need you to be any way other than how you are. Gladly receive a hug from them. Become aware of your needs and meet them bit by bit between meeting your child’s needs.

If you do lose the plot a little, do it safely. Don’t touch your child when you’re angry. Give yourself a quick timeout to calm your heart rate. The loo can be a good place for a quick hideaway. Sincerely apologise if you behave in any way that you wish you hadn’t, this is how kids learn about being sorry. Know that good parents go bad and try to keep your integrity.

Remember in these moments that you need you and so does your child. A soothing activity together can be helpful – try a bath together, snuggle up on the couch for a movie, go for a walk and enjoy your own thoughts between any conversation your child initiates, put on some music you love and dance together. Because our brains thrive on connection, just like children’s brains do, these kinds of together activities will help improve your emotional state. Let go of your expectations of yourself and your child. Have a day off from rules and jobs. Wag commitments if you can. Give yourself permission to do, or not do, whatever is going to remove some stress. If you can find a way to add some ridiculousness and laughter into your day then do it. It will help you and your child cope and recover.

When you have big stress factors making it hard to get out of the funk, please reach out for support. Choose people who allow for your difficult feelings and support creative, positive solutions. This may be friends, family, community groups or support services – such as the Women’s Centre, Springboard, private counselling or Homebuilders Family Services. If you need help finding the right support, pop in and see us at Homebuilders Family Services, 5 Hexham Street. Our office is open Monday to Friday, 9am-noon. Be gentle on yourself and your child. You’ve got this, even when it’s hard. Keep breathing.

Liz Cole, Homebuilders family support worker
www.homebuildersfs.org