New Coastie – Precious time with mum

When this paper’s editor, Terry, asked me to write about Mother’s Day, I immediately agreed. I thought it was an easy task. As I set out to write I thought I should do a quick calculation. My mother is 67 years old. She lives in Pakistan. I visit Pakistan approximately every two years for a couple of weeks. I spend that time hanging out with my family – and most of that time is with my mother. For the purpose of the calculation, I imagined that my mother would live to a ripe old age of 87 (I say a little prayer in my head that it needs to be more than a 100). Not bad. That is another 20 years. But as I continued my calculations, it dawned on me that I would get to see my mother only 10 more times!

My heart dropped, and I had tears in my eyes. Ten times is nothing. The person who brought me into this world is the bravest person I know. My father was in Saudi Arabia and then in the UK, working hard to create a better future for the initial years of my life. So she did it all by herself: nurtured me through a gruelling pregnancy, fed me, cleaned my poop (I was a poonami extraordinaire), taught me to clean my poop, walk, talk, eat, read, write – and even think. She was always on my side when I argued with my father about my career decisions. She is my biggest advocate on the planet.

I am such an idiot for taking her for granted. I am such an idiot for being lazy and procrastinating when I should call her – sometimes for as long as two weeks. I am such an idiot for being impatient when she tells me about the mundane goings-on in the extended family. I am such an idiot for not taking her call because I’m watching an episode of Married at First Sight Australia (and tell myself that I will call after the episode, but then forget to do that). I am such an idiot for lying to her about how busy my life is when she complains that I don’t call her enough. If I’m watching Married at First Sight Australia, surely my life is not that busy! Only 10 more times that I’ll see my mother in person. I am such an idiot.

All is not lost, however. I may not be able to visit Pakistan more often than I do because of financial constraints. But I certainly can improve on the frequency and the nature of my contact with my mother. I can easily give her more of myself, because she gave her everything to me. I will do it – that is my Mother’s Day promise. All of us who are fortunate enough to have a mother in our lives can improve on our engagement with her. I do not mean to tell you how to live your life, because relationships can be complicated. But come on! If you have time to watch Married at First Sight Australia, you have time to talk to your mum.