Country Living – Paddock storage

Ladies and gentlemen, I am seeking your profound words of wisdom and advice. I have found myself with an odd little collection of sorts, through absolutely no fault of my own. This strange little collection of mine consists of all the beautiful things my heart has long desired, an assortment of gifts that due (I think) to my availability of space and what seems like a lack of inclination, have ended up being dumped in paddocks very near to my house and left to morph themselves into the natural landscape.

Firstly there is my paving. For years I have longed for paving around my house and I finally took delivery of some (well kind of). You see it arrived and it got dumped, politely wrapped in plastic, outside the boundary of my house and unfortunately that is where it has stayed! Every day when I step out my back door, slip into my gumboots and trudge through mud, I glance up at thousands of beautiful pavers and a pile of paving sand that has long since blown away, and I just want to cry.

Then there’s my amazing outdoor fireplace and pizza oven that got dumped in the paddock next to the house too! My dreams of drinking wine outside next to it in the cold of winter whilst devouring gourmet pizzas have long since been overtaken by this monument’s apparent real purpose, which is a ‘butt scratching post’ for our bulls!

Now lastly, but certainly not leastly, is the crowning glory of this odd little collection of mine. My beautiful eight-person spa pool sits empty and motionless, void of any pure bliss that I could have gained from it over the cold winter months. Apparently taps are hard to come by these days! All I need to fulfil my dreams of relaxing in this beauty is a tap from the rainwater tank to fill her up, but nope, I seem to have to derive my pleasure from looking at the many other hundreds of taps we have spread all over the farm! However, I must give credit where credit is due, and at least the spa made it out of the paddock and onto the deck.

So folks, with the above in mind, I guess what I am really asking is, would any of you know a cure for this rare and unusual form of ‘dumping of gifts’ in paddocks behaviour? Perhaps one of you knows of some medication that I could administer to curb the habit? Because the thing is, Christmas isn’t too far away and I am starting to get scared as to what next will be dumped in a paddock for me to drool over. If you read about this again in another year’s time, I will surely have penned it from inside a lunatic asylum, because this is driving me nuts!