Homebuilders – Practice does not make perfect

But after weathering the ups and downs of family life and talking to thousands of parents I have learnt a thing or two.

Firstly, there are very few ‘bad parents’. Almost everybody I know loves their children and wants the best for them.

The problem (or the blessing, depending on how you look at it) is that our offspring don’t come with an instruction manual and are greatly variable in their personalities. If you’ve lucked in with a child that just lives to please, toilet trained themselves by 12 months of age and is getting on well with their Greek grammar, then enjoy it while it lasts and buy a Lotto ticket! Please don’t assume all of this is due to your innate brilliance and please, please don’t brag about it in the annual Christmas letter.For the rest of us, who had challenging kids, or just ordinary ones, parenting is sometimes quite hard. Even when you do the right thing you don’t always get the right result. I tell worried Mums and Dads that good enough parenting is good enough. If you house them, love them, play with them and provide security then you are 90 percent there. And don’t be afraid to ask for advice if you are struggling.

We recommend Plunket, Hibiscus Coast Parents Centre, Steps Forward, The Parenting Place, Parent2Parent, Kidslink, Home and Family Counselling and The Incredible Years programme all of which have good websites.

I goes to show there are plenty of resources out there.I have been really encouraged to see how men are stepping up to their fathering role in this generation. The hands on, partnership model is an improvement on the well-meaning but sometimes disconnected role that was common in the past.

On the other hand, there are quite a lot of confused parents. Should we be stricter or cut the child some slack? Are gender roles important or relevant? Should little Johnny be pushed to achieve his potential or allowed a carefree childhood? How much television is too much? If I’m not allowed to smack how do I deal with out and out defiance and stroppiness?

I have ideas about these things but not formulas. All I can say is that it really does take a village to raise a child. We were fortunate in that we were linked to a supportive community who offered our kids what we couldn’t offer and walked with us through the hard years. And in the end it worked out.