Choosing a monument

Choosing a final resting place is one decision, but deciding how that place will be marked can be just as personal.

For generations, the traditional headstone has provided a lasting record of a life – a name, dates and perhaps a few words chosen by family. While those basics remain, Neve Pridmore, of family-run Total Monumental Services, says families are increasingly looking for memorials that say something more about the person being remembered.

The business grew out of Epsom Funeral Home, which is run by her partner Dom Pridmore’s family. Total Monumental Services began in the family garage, initially as a way of helping families reduce the cost of monuments, and now guides people through everything from traditional headstones to more individual designs.

One of the first considerations, Pridmore says, is where the person is to be buried, because the cemetery and type of plot will determine what can be installed.

“When someone has passed, we look at which cemetery they have chosen and what plot they have, and then we can guide them through what is allowed and what will be suitable,” she says.

Auckland Council has requirements around monuments in the cemeteries it manages, including their dimensions, materials, location and installation. Monument work must comply with the New Zealand standard for headstones and cemetery monuments, while individual cemetery and plot requirements can also vary. Private or trust-run cemeteries may have different rules, so checking what is permitted before settling on a design is important.

Granite and marble remain popular choices, although what is available can change as particular stone quarries are depleted. Much of the stone used in New Zealand is imported already polished because finishing it here can add considerably to the cost.

What goes onto the stone, however, has changed.

Just as funerals have increasingly become celebrations of a person’s life, Pridmore says families are looking for ways to bring more personality, colour and imagery into permanent memorials.

That might mean incorporating artwork, a favourite flower, an animal or another image with particular meaning. Total Monumental Services also creates traditional Chinese memorials and can produce customised designs, provided they remain respectful and comply with the rules of the cemetery.

Modern technology is widening those possibilities. CNC engraving allows detailed images and designs to be etched into stone, while laser engraving will offer further options. Plaques can also provide a simpler memorial, particularly where a conventional headstone is not wanted or appropriate.

Increasingly, people are making these decisions themselves rather than leaving them entirely to those who survive them.

Pridmore says families sometimes arrive with photographs or examples of monuments the person liked, while on other occasions instructions have been discovered among their belongings.

“We sometimes get handwritten notes that people have found in a diary,” she says.

Leaving some guidance can take another decision away from family members at an already difficult time. It does not necessarily mean designing your own headstone down to the last detail; simply recording whether you would prefer something traditional or contemporary, the wording you would like, or an image or symbol that matters to you can provide a useful starting point.

Where someone dies without family able to make those decisions, a funeral director can help arrange an appropriate memorial.

And remembrance is not limited to people. The company is expanding its work with cremation urns and memorial tiles, including tiles carrying photographs of much-loved pets.

“Animals are family too,” Pridmore says. “It’s nice to be able to remember them.”

Ultimately, a monument serves two purposes: it marks where someone rests, but it also tells future visitors something about who was there. Taking a little time to think about what we might want that marker to say can be one more useful part of planning ahead.