New Coastie – Curry crimes

Let’s get the record straight about curry. I have been called a ‘curry muncher’, a multitude of times, so why not own the racist slur and dish out knowledge on the subject? 

My credentials are strong because I grew up in Pakistan and learnt from the best – my mother. However, I do resent the ‘muncher’ part of the label. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, ‘to munch’ means to eat something, specially noisily. It has the connotations of stuffing your face without any respect for the intricacies of the food.

Growing up, if I were to “munch” at the dinner table, I would get a dope slap (light slap on the head for people lucky enough not to have experienced it) from my dad. He would say, “We know you are eating. We do not have to listen to it”. That is my whānau culture.

I would prefer the label to be ‘curry connoisseur’ or ‘curry gastronome’, please.

The biggest curry crime is carb mixing. I have seen people in mall food courts dump their bowl of curry on the bed of rice, mix it and then eat that blob with naan bread. Horrendous. Curry is monogamous on that plate. It can only have one carb relationship at a time. The best way is to pour half the curry on the rice and leave the other half to eat separately with the naan. The curry wants to give you the best experience. Give it a chance – one carb at a time.

Try eating curry and rice with your hands occasionally. Why eat with something that was made in a factory when you can eat with the natural spoons hanging off our arms that have evolved over millions of years? Eating with your hands is the most natural thing you can do. It is fulfilling and therapeutic.

When making butter chicken at home, for goodness’ sake, go easy on that sugar and heavy cream. It is supposed to be a savoury main and not a dessert. Many of the butter chickens I have had taste like condensed milk with chicken. If you like that, there is no problem with it, just call it what it is. Plus that would be so much easier to make.

Now the good stuff. I understand that it must be daunting to make authentic curry at home with all the different herbs and spices. Today I will let you in on a secret that only South Asian people know: packed spice mixes!

Most Pakistanis and Indians use them frequently, and you can get a very authentic experience. All you need to do is buy the spice mix, buy the additional fresh items like meat and other vegetables mentioned on the pack, follow the cooking instructions and et voilà! 

No need to get the exact amounts of different herbs and spices, it’s all done for you. You can get all kinds of dishes with them; from butter chicken to Hyderabadi biryani. Go to an Indian supermarket today and get Shan Masala – my favourite, for a Pakistani feel. I love the brand MDH, when I want to get close to my pre-partition Indian roots. You can order them online as well. 

I haven’t experimented with Sri Lankan and Bengali cuisines yet but I am sure you can find authentic spice mixes for those cuisines as well. Now it’s time to dig in.